Updates

“It’s been a while” is an understatement.

I feel like I’ve moved through a series of chapters – a series of chapters that left no time for writing or even wanting to write. Since my last post, I feel like I’ve been 10,000 versions of a woman I’m still getting to know but proud to know.

It’s been a journey of self-discovery over and over, identifying my limitations and my ability to push beyond them…sometimes collapsing into them. And still the journey is glorious – all the pouring of urinals, the passing of medicine, the confusing responsibilities, duties that grew and grow me up (…because “adulting” has levels), the people I love almost dying…and dying.

I’m still grieving the death of my friend/ former-colleague. I miss him more and more. Only four months into our return from Luanda did he transition. And now, this being the time we’d typically return – exchanging a number of emails about our flight dates and so forth – I’m reminded that a check in like this will never show up again. This not being a matter of choice, but more so a matter of inevitability and mortality.

I messaged him the other day. No response.

Pivoting from this point, my new position officially officially starts on Tuesday where I’ll be working in schools. The ‘president of the youngins’ and I have already put together a plan to create an altar in our space – one that allows the students to acknowledge and hold space for their friends who are no longer here (perhaps, I will add a photo of Wendell). We may be able to do a Dia de los Muertos celebration as a consecration of this altar. The inverse  component is that we’ll build a “Why I Matter Wall.”How important it is to honor the cycle of life and death.

I’m looking forward to moving my healing work into schools, community organizing, as well as institutionally as I have been accepted as a Detroit Equity Action Lab (DEAL) fellow sponsored by the Wayne State University School of Law.

The doors are opening.

And affirming.

This learning process.

It is a dream. a conjuring. a next step. a practice space.

It is the level up. The Dora-ing of Exploring. lol … it is that…

It is the figuring out how to (re)humanize and love someone who abuses, not because they are your lover but because they are your family. Because they love you and show up for you how they can. Because this shit does not exist in a vacuum. Because I don’t have the answers to this shit. Because figuring this out/ acknowledging this as a process does not mean you accept.

…

Aside from all this, I’m in love and I’m learning how to receive and take chances. This is the most consistent, healthiest relationship I’ve ever experienced. They are a healer even if they don’t use those words, and it’s not just about me. They heal others and I witness.

…

I must go dance this out with my friends tonight… Temple Bar.

Detroiters are the sexiest, most savvy, and the most honest.